As a marriage and family advocate, I believe everyone has the right to get married but should everyone get married?
I’m not saying eevverr! I mean, not at least until you have some maturity to handle what it takes to be in a committed relationship. Or have the maturity to handle the challenges that a marriage brings you. Especially if you are planning to have kids. Because, my friend, when those kids arrive, it’s a whole new ball game! Just saying!
A wedding doesn’t make a marriage! Dating is not the same as living with someone that comes from a different upbringing or background 24/7 and 365 days of the year.
It takes a lot of effort from each partner to make the relationship work. There are plenty of sacrifices or compromises each one of you will have to make in order to achieve success in your marriage. And still when you think you have it all figured out you might get more surprises.
At the beginning of the relationship or even a marriage, everything may seem to be just fine and dandy. But once real life starts kicking in it’s a different story. Career, finances, personal hobbies, spiritual wellness, children, etc., those are dynamics that were not given to much emphasis when you were dating because it was all about the love and the romance and you were focusing on you rather than on us. At least that’s how it goes for the ones who go in blind with the notion that everything will be color roses just like the wedding day.
But what most couples don’t realize is that you must have a very strong mindset and a strong set of values to make a marriage work, just like it would any other aspect of your life. You see most people think that a marriage is made up of from the time of dating and the wedding. And after the wedding is done it’s like home free. And all though in one way it’s like that, only for the fact that you found “the one”. The rest is still a working progress. After the wedding is when the real work starts to keep “the one” for as long as possible if not forever.
Someone who doesn’t even know who they are or what they want out of life is going to struggle with the responsibility of a marriage. How are you going to support the relationship with your partner if you don’t have a clue of what you want out of life, of who you want to be when you “grow up”. Those are the things that you do in your early twenties. Does that mean you are going to stop growing once you marry? Absolutely not! But the wiser you are the better you will handle the relationship when it crosses an obstacle down the road.
Again, unless you have a strong will and are 110% committed and are willing to constantly educate yourself in the process then it’s going to be really rough for you. And as long as you are aware of it then the process may become much easier for you to conquer. It’s like when you are going hiking you go prepared with water and a map of the route so you won’t get lost. The same theory applies to marriage.
Can it be done if you choose to rough it out and marry young? Heck yeah! My husband and I are living proof of that, as we married (what is in my opinion) very young. But it doesn’t go without saying that there was plenty of time that we would have divorced if we would have given in to the circumstances at hand.
So you ask, why didn’t you? Why were you able to defy the odds?
The truth is divorce was not an option for us, for me. I was determined, as I still am, to make it work. To prove that we can still be married and be happy in life at the same time and surpass any challenge life brings us or even if those challenges were brought upon us by ourselves. It’s been quite a journey and one that I’m very proud of. But that’s doesn’t mean I recommend marriage to everyone unless they have some kind of awareness of a committed relationship. Because I know firsthand what it takes.
I’ve been studying about relationships for quite a while even before I met my husband. Granted we took ten years before we decided to have kids. So we had plenty of time to work on our relationship one on one. But that didn’t guarantee we would make it either. Because once the kids arrive that was whole other story. At the end of the day, it’s about commitment. Commitment to yourself, to your spouse and to the relationship.
Now with that said should you be afraid of marriage? Nope! Of course not! But you should have respect for it and for your partner too. To give it your all, just like you would when entering a business relationship. You wouldn’t enter a business deal without preparing yourself and study the options and set up the rules, right? The same goes for a marriage.
The best thing you can do is to educate yourself in building a strong relationship, to building a positive mindset, on finding a circle of friends that can inspire and motivate you! Mostly other married couples who are thriving in their marriage. You must learn how to keep the love alive.
You do this among other positive personal growth actions and you’ll be ready to sign the dotted line with confidence. But the most important thing you should do is to trust yourself and believe that you can succeed and you will, together with your life partner you selected to be by your side to spend the rest of your life in love.
Does that make sense? Do you agree or disagree? Do you feel people should marry on a whim just because they feel they are in love? At what age would you recommend someone to get married? Post your comments below and let’s start a conversation.