I’ll tell you there’s nothing like the death of your mother to shake things up in your world.
Not only did I experienced her loss, now I’m seeing a domino effect happening around me. Other people’s moms’, same generation as mind, are dying too.
It’s like life is telling me “face it, girl, you’re not a kid anymore more. You have entered into your mid-life cycle.” And I’m like “Me? But I feel like a spring chick!” What a dilemma!
I’m too young to get senior citizen discounts and too old to be asked for ID! Although, the heaviness of life right now does makes me feel oooold and out of place.
Also, on top of having to deal with my own emotions, I have to deal with everyone else’s around me too, two hormonal teens and a husband that sometimes acts menopausal pulling me into HIS emotional roller coaster ride as well. Ayayay!🤦🏻♀️
I’ll be honest the thought of quitting it all and escaping to a remote island where all I hear is the sound of the palm trees dancing to the breeze and the ocean waves serving as background music, seems like the perfect solution to me right now.
Just me and my happy place: the sun rays warming my skin, clear blue skies reflecting on the warm dancing water and white soft sand caressing my feet. Oh! And a sweet refreshing piña colada by my side! Ah, can I be a genie and blink my self there now? 😜
Um, earth to Linda, earth to Linda!
Oh right, back to reality!😎
Although this scenario sounds might nice, that would be giving up and taking the “easy route.” Or is it?
The truth, it won’t be the easy route because this is life! Life is an emotional roller coaster journey where you’ll have highs, and you’ll have lows.
No matter how well you plan your life, there will always be something that will throw you off your game.
And the only way to handle that bump on the road is to be wise on managing it and not give up.
You’ve heard this maxim before:
“never make permanent decisions on temporary emotions.” -unknown
That’s a fact! Emotions come and go, and any drastic decision you make influenced by your unstable emotions alone could be a regrettable one later on.
This is what being a mature adult is all about. I know, I know. It sucks to act like a responsible adult sometimes, but that is what life is all about. And only the wise ones will succeed at this game.
So what to do?
- Allow the emotions to pass. Whatever is making you feel down meditate on it and feel the emotion. If you need to cry, do so. This is part of the process of expelling the ill feeling.
- Take small steps in the direction you want to go without putting too much pressure on yourself while going through the temporary feelings.
- Give yourself the grace to experience the emotions life is throwing at you and go easy on significant projects you had planned. If it can wait then don’t worry, it will be there when you’re ready to attend to them.
- You should continue with your regular life’s duties as that will help keep you going instead of falling in too deep into the “rabbit hole.” Normalcy is good. Plus your family still needs you.
- Focus on thinking on the positives stuffs you have in your life. Think about the people, things, and places that make you happy. Bring that happy into your mind and your conciseness so that it will start manifesting again.
“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.” – Napoleon Hill
Therefore, hang on tight to this roller coaster ride because it will only end when you’ve reached your final, last breath destination. Until then, stand strong cause you can do it!
What is one way you cope with the highs and lows of life? Share with us what works for you!
You may wonder “what can I do to help my marriage to be happier?”.
This is something we all should be asking, often. However, many couples fall in the complacent track in their marriage thinking happiness will just happen just because they already got married. Or simply because they are walking life with “only” the entitlement in their mind that they deserve to be happy and it should come to them magically.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. You must put in your efforts to achieve happiness and sometimes that means by doing things you don’t like or want to do.
Yep! You read right! That’s one of many ways to contribute to your marriage happiness, by doing things that are outside of your personal interest.
But wait! There’s more to this. You’re doing these things not because you are a masochist or at least I hope not. You are doing them because your spouse enjoys or likes doing these things and you do them for or with him/her because you like your spouse more. The keywords here “You like your spouse more”.
I know it sounds ironic. Why if I’m doing things that I don’t like will it make me happy, let alone my marriage?
It all begins with your perception, of how you view things. Sure, doing things you don’t like or find pleasure in on the surface seems ridiculous but when you look at the reason why you are doing them the perspective changes.
I’ll confess, this is one of my many secrets of achieving longevity in my marriage.
This principle I have applied since the beginning of my relationship with my husband, going now for 26 years including dating time.
So pay attention if your goal is to achieve a happy long marriage with your spouse.
Truth to be said, there were many times that at the moment that I’m doing something for my husband that I don’t enjoy much, I wonder “why I’m doing this?” and complain to my self and my husband for doing it.
But in the end, I really know why…
I have my own hidden agenda. Muahahaha! 😈
Seriously tho, I do them because I like to please him and see him happy. When my husband is happy, I’m happy. And if I can contribute to his happiness I’m there, because I’m contributing to my own happiness.
“Happy wife, happy life!”
You know that saying “happy wife happy life” right? It’s true! And it goes both ways.
My husband knows this very well! Trust me on that one. 😉
And I’m sure many gentlemen can agree too. There’s nothing worse than a bitchy wife. 😜
It’s not that you are taking responsibility for your spouse’s happiness because you shouldn’t, but you are helping and contributing to the cause.
It’s the little things you do that can make a difference. Doing things for your spouse out of love for him/her regardless of your likes matters a lot!
I’ll give you an example, my husband loves golf among many things. He likes to play it and he likes to watch it. So yes, the golf channel is a must in our house!
When he started golf many years ago I did try it but it wasn’t for me. Following a little ball around with a stick not that fun to me. Although I do enjoy the scenery. But that’s about it for me.🤷🏻♀️
So because golf is something he enjoys and makes him happy I do put in the effort to understand the game, watch tournaments with him and be alert for major golf news so that I have something relatable to talk about with him.
What’s the positive on my compromise investment? Connecting with my husband via a subject he enjoys.
With that said it doesn’t mean I do everything for him that I don’t like. I put a stop on laundry!
Yep! You got it! He does his own laundry.
Hey! I can’t spoil him too much! Right? 😜
The point is, put in the effort to do something for your spouse that perhaps you don’t care for but you still do it because you like your spouse more, because you love your spouse.
Remember when you were dating? You would go to sporting events, hang out with his/her friends and family or go to the theater or shopping together or whatever you did, just to be together.
The same principle still applies when you’re married. It’s called COMPROMISE!
When you like and/or love someone you do things just because you know it will please him/her. Because it will put a smile on his/her face. And seeing your spouse smile puts a smile on your face too! At least I hope it does. And if the answer is yes, that’s what love is.
Sometimes you can get too caught up on me, me, me, only wanting to satisfy your own needs and forget your partner’s needs and likes.
Or you go on the “tit for tat” game saying “he/she doesn’t do anything for me then why should I?”
When you only act thinking this way it is selfish and that’s the example you’re giving your spouse. And so you’ll be reaping what you sow…
That attitude is not being proactive and it’s counterintuitive to the whole purpose of teamwork. Here’s another old maxim:
“Today for you tomorrow for me!”
As I always say, be smart, play your part smart! Be the leader and do and act as you want your spouse to act towards you.
It doesn’t mean you have to enslave yourself for your spouse in only doing things you dislike just to please him/her. That’s not what this is! It’s about loving your spouse through the things he/she likes by you being present and part of them as well.
The key my friend is to balance it all out by compromising on the little things so when the big things come along you’ll have enough leverage to pull out from.
Therefore, love your spouse by doing those little things that mean so much to him/her even when you may not feel like it and in the end, you’ll win big!😉
As always please share your thoughts with us. Comment below if you agree or disagree.
What’s one thing you do for your spouse that you wouldn’t miss at all if it ever goes away?
I’ve seen posts going around saying you should wear your wedding ring as a reminder of your vows. Although I’m not against it, as my husband and I did the ring exchange in our wedding, I don’t believe it is necessary to wear one for it to be the reminder that you are married and that your heart belongs to someone else.
I asked recently on Instagram this question: Does your spouse have to wear a wedding ring for you to trust him/her?
Many responded with a sounding yes and others with a no.
Someone said “While I feel that the ring is a constant reminder of our marriage bond, if infidelity is going to happen it will happen with or without the ring”
Another person said: “It’s not a matter of trust. It’s what should be done without a question”
One said “No! In fact, we never wear rings, we don’t need anything to remind us that we love each other”
I agree with all of them. And everyone who answered, you are all right! Because that’s your belief and the value that it has to you. If you said yes your spouse should wear the ring that’s absolutely okay.
My personal view on this subject is that it doesn’t matter one way or the other. But I don’t believe wearing a ring is going to give me automatic trust comfort on my husband that he won’t cheat.
To me, a wedding ring just means a symbol of marriage but not of trust. As I stated before, my husband and I started our marriage wearing our wedding bands. And as the years have passed we both have transitioned out of it and we are still together committed to our relationship.
My husband and I will celebrate twenty-four years of marriage this June and out of those twenty-four years, I think more than half, my husband hasn’t worn a wedding ring. The reason why is because his original wedding band is tight for him now and it hasn’t been a priority for us to either enlarged the band or get a new one. However, now he says he wants one with a big diamond stone for all the years of marriage. Ayayay!🤦🏻♀️
As far as me I don’t wear my original wedding band either. I do wear an anniversary ring he gifted me for our seventh year of marriage. But I do take it off to wear custom jewelry when I feel like it. And that doesn’t mean I’m going to forget I’m married or that it will be my free time to disrespect my husband.
A ring shouldn’t be the one thing needed to trust your partner or the one thing that reminds you that you made a promise to your spouse. A ring is a removable thing and if you are placing the trust on it is that saying that when you don’t have it on, you can disentangle yourself from your commitment? Who’s to say what you can or cannot do other than you?
A ring will not hold a marriage together. It’s the values, integrity, respect, and love that you both have for each other that will. There have been plenty of people that a ring hasn’t stopped them from doing what they wanted to do even if it meant disrespecting their spouse or breaking their vows. It seems that for some taking the ring off, it will exonerate them from the fault. When in reality it’s simply the illusion of making the statement that they aren’t in a committed relationship when they actually are.
Sure, wearing a ring can be a deterrent for some to engage with a married person if they themselves are on the hunt for a partner. And that’s the reason why some married people would take off the ring; Because they want to be approached or for that matter avoid being neglected.
But at the same time, there are people who don’t care if you’re wearing the ring. In fact some like it. They don’t care for respecting the fact you’re married. And some spouses either. All they are doing is thinking about themselves and getting what they want, regardless if they will hurt someone, including their spouse.
With that said, the power of the marriage is not in the wedding ring. The power of the marriage is in the people that compose the marriage. The wedding ring is a symbol of unity, of the vows you made to each other, true. A beautiful tradition and part of the wedding ceremony. Nonetheless, the ring doesn’t hold vows or values. It’s you the person making the commitment that does.
But the point here is where you put your focus, belief or trust when it comes to the marriage should be on your spouse, not the ring. If you feel you need to wear the ring as a reminder of your status or because you can’t deter inquiries from single people then, by all means, wear it. More power to you.
However, it shouldn’t be a necessity to wear a ring for your husband to know that he’s married and to respect you as his wife. The same goes for you. Respect doesn’t begin with a ring or a legal paper. Respect begins with you and your spouse. And if everything is taken care at home there shouldn’t be a reason to stray out of it. Just saying!🤷🏻♀️
What’s your take on the whole wedding ring issue? Do you agree or disagree with the point stated in this post? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
As a marriage and family advocate, I believe everyone has the right to get married but should everyone get married?
I’m not saying eevverr! I mean, not at least until you have some maturity to handle what it takes to be in a committed relationship. Or have the maturity to handle the challenges that a marriage brings you. Especially if you are planning to have kids. Because, my friend, when those kids arrive, it’s a whole new ball game! Just saying!
A wedding doesn’t make a marriage! Dating is not the same as living with someone that comes from a different upbringing or background 24/7 and 365 days of the year.
It takes a lot of effort from each partner to make the relationship work. There are plenty of sacrifices or compromises each one of you will have to make in order to achieve success in your marriage. And still when you think you have it all figured out you might get more surprises.
At the beginning of the relationship or even a marriage, everything may seem to be just fine and dandy. But once real life starts kicking in it’s a different story. Career, finances, personal hobbies, spiritual wellness, children, etc., those are dynamics that were not given to much emphasis when you were dating because it was all about the love and the romance and you were focusing on you rather than on us. At least that’s how it goes for the ones who go in blind with the notion that everything will be color roses just like the wedding day.
But what most couples don’t realize is that you must have a very strong mindset and a strong set of values to make a marriage work, just like it would any other aspect of your life. You see most people think that a marriage is made up of from the time of dating and the wedding. And after the wedding is done it’s like home free. And all though in one way it’s like that, only for the fact that you found “the one”. The rest is still a working progress. After the wedding is when the real work starts to keep “the one” for as long as possible if not forever.
Someone who doesn’t even know who they are or what they want out of life is going to struggle with the responsibility of a marriage. How are you going to support the relationship with your partner if you don’t have a clue of what you want out of life, of who you want to be when you “grow up”. Those are the things that you do in your early twenties. Does that mean you are going to stop growing once you marry? Absolutely not! But the wiser you are the better you will handle the relationship when it crosses an obstacle down the road.
Again, unless you have a strong will and are 110% committed and are willing to constantly educate yourself in the process then it’s going to be really rough for you. And as long as you are aware of it then the process may become much easier for you to conquer. It’s like when you are going hiking you go prepared with water and a map of the route so you won’t get lost. The same theory applies to marriage.
Can it be done if you choose to rough it out and marry young? Heck yeah! My husband and I are living proof of that, as we married (what is in my opinion) very young. But it doesn’t go without saying that there was plenty of time that we would have divorced if we would have given in to the circumstances at hand.
So you ask, why didn’t you? Why were you able to defy the odds?
The truth is divorce was not an option for us, for me. I was determined, as I still am, to make it work. To prove that we can still be married and be happy in life at the same time and surpass any challenge life brings us or even if those challenges were brought upon us by ourselves. It’s been quite a journey and one that I’m very proud of. But that’s doesn’t mean I recommend marriage to everyone unless they have some kind of awareness of a committed relationship. Because I know firsthand what it takes.
I’ve been studying about relationships for quite a while even before I met my husband. Granted we took ten years before we decided to have kids. So we had plenty of time to work on our relationship one on one. But that didn’t guarantee we would make it either. Because once the kids arrive that was whole other story. At the end of the day, it’s about commitment. Commitment to yourself, to your spouse and to the relationship.
Now with that said should you be afraid of marriage? Nope! Of course not! But you should have respect for it and for your partner too. To give it your all, just like you would when entering a business relationship. You wouldn’t enter a business deal without preparing yourself and study the options and set up the rules, right? The same goes for a marriage.
The best thing you can do is to educate yourself in building a strong relationship, to building a positive mindset, on finding a circle of friends that can inspire and motivate you! Mostly other married couples who are thriving in their marriage. You must learn how to keep the love alive.
You do this among other positive personal growth actions and you’ll be ready to sign the dotted line with confidence. But the most important thing you should do is to trust yourself and believe that you can succeed and you will, together with your life partner you selected to be by your side to spend the rest of your life in love.
Does that make sense? Do you agree or disagree? Do you feel people should marry on a whim just because they feel they are in love? At what age would you recommend someone to get married? Post your comments below and let’s start a conversation.
Ever heard the expression a “marriage is like a fine bottle of wine, it gets better with time”. Well, I can attest to that. It sure does taste like fine wine the longer we grow older, I mean wiser.
However, that will depend on the kind of marriage you are building. You can have a marriage that stands the test of time. But the question is “Is it a happy marriage”?
You see there are many couples that stay together for many reasons, for convenience, for the kids, because they are used to each other, etc. And those are all good reasons. In fact, those are all valid reasons.
But some of those marriages lack something very important for it to be like a “fine wine” and that is love. And I’m not talking about friendship love. We all can have that. I’m talking about the real kind of love. The one it takes your breath away. The passion kind of love, that after so many years you still have the most amazing sexual connection. And that my friends, is the “icing on the cake” when it comes to a marriage that withstands the test of time.
If you and your spouse reach the empty nester stage and you still connect in the most intimate way a couple can, then you have reached the level of “fine wine” status in your marriage. From that stage on if continue to stay engaged with your spouse, it will be like a delicious fine wine.
And so you are wondering if you are not there yet, how can you achieve the fine wine” level in your marriage?
The key is to stay engaged with your spouse, stay connected not just physically but emotionally. Simple as that.
Staying connected with your spouse throughout the years is the hardest thing to do as you grow older.
Staying connected with your spouse throughout the years is the hardest thing to do as you grow older. Why? Because as you evolve in your life you take on many different roles to fulfill, you take on many tasks to complete and you take on many goals to achieve. And some of those roles, tasks, goals take time away from your spouse or do not include your spouse at all.
Let me give you an example. Let’s assume you decide to become parents. You give birth to this beautiful bundle of joy. Now you have a new person to care and attend for. And this baby stage in a marriage is very demanding especially the first three years.
In the first year you have to care for a newborn who if you are lucky to be a stay at home parent, you’ll have to set a schedule that is best for the baby. Which means many sleepless nights that will make you exhausted. This baby stage is so consuming that all you be thinking, breathing and smelling is baby stuff.
Don’t get me wrong this is a beauuttiffuuul stage! I loved it and I’m very grateful that I had the chance to do it my way and stay home the first couple of years of my two babies. But I will not lie to you, it was hard!
Hard not because of the baby, hard because I had my other roles to attend to, the wife and the co-head of the household. That’s when life becomes challenging when we try to do it all. And no matter what anyone says something will always give. And most of the time is the marriage.
The marriage is the one that suffers the most…
The marriage is the one that suffers the most because you assume it’s there and it will never go away. And although may be true in the sense of the word it does go away. If you don’t devote attention to each other sooner or later your spouse will look for the attention somewhere else.
So how do you avoid this? The only way is to maintain staying engaged with your spouse in all the levels of a love relationship. There are no shortcuts on this. Just like there wouldn’t be any shortcuts on creating the finest wine.