You may wonder “what can I do to help my marriage to be happier?”.
This is something we all should be asking, often. However, many couples fall in the complacent track in their marriage thinking happiness will just happen just because they already got married. Or simply because they are walking life with “only” the entitlement in their mind that they deserve to be happy and it should come to them magically.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. You must put in your efforts to achieve happiness and sometimes that means by doing things you don’t like or want to do.
Yep! You read right! That’s one of many ways to contribute to your marriage happiness, by doing things that are outside of your personal interest.
But wait! There’s more to this. You’re doing these things not because you are a masochist or at least I hope not. You are doing them because your spouse enjoys or likes doing these things and you do them for or with him/her because you like your spouse more. The keywords here “You like your spouse more”.
I know it sounds ironic. Why if I’m doing things that I don’t like will it make me happy, let alone my marriage?
It all begins with your perception, of how you view things. Sure, doing things you don’t like or find pleasure in on the surface seems ridiculous but when you look at the reason why you are doing them the perspective changes.
I’ll confess, this is one of my many secrets of achieving longevity in my marriage.
This principle I have applied since the beginning of my relationship with my husband, going now for 26 years including dating time.
So pay attention if your goal is to achieve a happy long marriage with your spouse.
Truth to be said, there were many times that at the moment that I’m doing something for my husband that I don’t enjoy much, I wonder “why I’m doing this?” and complain to my self and my husband for doing it.
But in the end, I really know why…
I have my own hidden agenda. Muahahaha! 😈
Seriously tho, I do them because I like to please him and see him happy. When my husband is happy, I’m happy. And if I can contribute to his happiness I’m there, because I’m contributing to my own happiness.
“Happy wife, happy life!”
You know that saying “happy wife happy life” right? It’s true! And it goes both ways.
My husband knows this very well! Trust me on that one. 😉
And I’m sure many gentlemen can agree too. There’s nothing worse than a bitchy wife. 😜
It’s not that you are taking responsibility for your spouse’s happiness because you shouldn’t, but you are helping and contributing to the cause.
It’s the little things you do that can make a difference. Doing things for your spouse out of love for him/her regardless of your likes matters a lot!
I’ll give you an example, my husband loves golf among many things. He likes to play it and he likes to watch it. So yes, the golf channel is a must in our house!
When he started golf many years ago I did try it but it wasn’t for me. Following a little ball around with a stick not that fun to me. Although I do enjoy the scenery. But that’s about it for me.🤷🏻♀️
So because golf is something he enjoys and makes him happy I do put in the effort to understand the game, watch tournaments with him and be alert for major golf news so that I have something relatable to talk about with him.
What’s the positive on my compromise investment? Connecting with my husband via a subject he enjoys.
With that said it doesn’t mean I do everything for him that I don’t like. I put a stop on laundry!
Yep! You got it! He does his own laundry.
Hey! I can’t spoil him too much! Right? 😜
The point is, put in the effort to do something for your spouse that perhaps you don’t care for but you still do it because you like your spouse more, because you love your spouse.
Remember when you were dating? You would go to sporting events, hang out with his/her friends and family or go to the theater or shopping together or whatever you did, just to be together.
The same principle still applies when you’re married. It’s called COMPROMISE!
When you like and/or love someone you do things just because you know it will please him/her. Because it will put a smile on his/her face. And seeing your spouse smile puts a smile on your face too! At least I hope it does. And if the answer is yes, that’s what love is.
Sometimes you can get too caught up on me, me, me, only wanting to satisfy your own needs and forget your partner’s needs and likes.
Or you go on the “tit for tat” game saying “he/she doesn’t do anything for me then why should I?”
When you only act thinking this way it is selfish and that’s the example you’re giving your spouse. And so you’ll be reaping what you sow…
That attitude is not being proactive and it’s counterintuitive to the whole purpose of teamwork. Here’s another old maxim:
“Today for you tomorrow for me!”
As I always say, be smart, play your part smart! Be the leader and do and act as you want your spouse to act towards you.
It doesn’t mean you have to enslave yourself for your spouse in only doing things you dislike just to please him/her. That’s not what this is! It’s about loving your spouse through the things he/she likes by you being present and part of them as well.
The key my friend is to balance it all out by compromising on the little things so when the big things come along you’ll have enough leverage to pull out from.
Therefore, love your spouse by doing those little things that mean so much to him/her even when you may not feel like it and in the end, you’ll win big!😉
As always please share your thoughts with us. Comment below if you agree or disagree.
What’s one thing you do for your spouse that you wouldn’t miss at all if it ever goes away?